One Door Closes...

…Another One Opens.






















I try to imagine what my life would be like if I choose certain life paths. I sometimes like to fly by the seat of my pants, shoot from the hip, or some other clever play on words. I only have one thing left that connects me to South Carolina. Luckily it was the only thing that brought me any solace on the lonely nights, long weekends and silent afternoons. I still have my apartment for the remainder of the summer, which gives me two residences, again. I hope this is the last time I have to split my life between two cities. There have been too many times in my few years that I’ve had to live my life between two things, my life and my work, my work and my home, my personal and professional life. Just once, I hope to do everything in one place. It’ll only be a matter of time before my frown goes upside down.

Happiness, here I come.
Current Music - kanye west

One Song...

…He Had the World at his Feet.

Oh me, oh my.

With a new outlook on life and a clean slate, I look forward to what may come next. I have left the situation that has caused me more headaches and wrinkles that I ever thought possible. Am I scared of what may come next? Kind of. I like the fact that I have a couple of weeks to put my life back together and make the future bright. I have my fingers crossed for the future.




















Like Kanye said. It’s good to be home.
Current Music - american football

With an Effortless Smile...

...Infinite Silence!

Burning in Water...

...Drowning in Flames.

I've wondered the power of words. The weight they carry in the hearts of man. Sometimes, you can go on and on about absolutely nothing. A six thousand words essay that only say one thing. Or in the rare occasion that we say something meaningful, a simple concept can spark generations of wonder and dialogue. This idea is known as high concept. Just look at my title for today. It's impossible to do either; a paradox. But if you read between the lines and think about what it means, you can come up with an idea of your own.

I always find myself thinking of the mysticism and rhetoric of the english language over the weekend. The time on my hands is abundant, and in between working on my new screenplay (yes and brand new one) and studying film, these are the ideas I come up with. Do you want to switch places? We can drown together in flames. Bring your sun block.

Current Music - anberlin

The Waiting...

...is Patience a Virtue?

If anything in my quarter century has taught me, it's that this theory is true. Good things come to those that wait. Nice guys finish last. These parables that speak true to me, yet I wish I could throw them right out of the window and start over with a new perspective on life. I've wondered how my life would turn out if I stopped being the person I am. If I put down my wall just went out there and reached for what I want. I've seen what happens when you sit patiently and wait your turn. Nothing happens. I've also seen what happens when you drop all inhibitions and take a shot. For me, I'm still waiting for my home run. It would seem that my experiences have taught me a lose-lose mentality in ambition. I have to hover somewhere in between narcissism and melancholy. I'm looking forward to something special. I'm going to take my shot and see what happens. At this point, it doesn't matter if it works or not. But I'm not going to go the rest of my life wondering what could have been.

The Suffering! Not really.

Here's a scene from one of my favorite films of all time. As I watched it last night, it spoke to me as the final nail on the head to overcome any anxiety or self doubt and go out and get it.

















Dwayne: I wish I could just sleep until I was eighteen and skip all this crap-high school and everything-just skip it.
Frank: You know Marcel Proust?
Dwayne: He’s the guy you teach.
Frank: Yeah. French writer. Total loser. Never had a real job. Unrequited love affairs. Gay. Spent 20 years writing a book almost no one reads. But he’s also probably the greatest writer since Shakespeare. Anyway, he uh… he gets down to the end of his life, and he looks back and decides that all those years he suffered, Those were the best years of his life, ’cause they made him who he was. All those years he was happy? You know, total waste. Didn’t learn a thing. So, if you sleep until you’re 18… Ah, think of the suffering you’re gonna miss. I mean high school? High school-those are your prime suffering years. You don’t get better suffering than that.

As we wait patiently, we'll learn so much.
Current Music - misery signals

I'm Listening...

...But Your Voice is Never Audible.

People ask me why I write. I try to come up with a clever answer like I'm sorting myself out or that I can only express myself through words on a page. Or in this case, a blog. I'm learning that life is confusing. It's an enduring waiting game for something better to come along. When we are completely happy in a relationship, are we really happy? Maybe for a little while. But then something comes along and changes everything you thought was right. Is it what you do in the moment? Maybe. I believe it's how you handle yourself in the days following.

I wonder at night as I struggle to sleep if my actions I take can exonerate my demons from my past. Progressive thinking should tell you that it is possible for this theory to take place. I've usually played my cards close to my chest. Don't ask me why. I put myself absolutely and completely into some things in the past to no avail. Soon followed by a failed attempt with apprehension. It only created a void between myself and the goal. My ears are open now to whatever comes next.

While I listen, I conjure an idea if a photograph can encapsulate a sound. I believe so. What do you see when you look into this picture?












It may just be a picture, yet you hear what is happening, Sure, it may not be audible, but if you listen closely, it's there.

Curent Music - further seems forever

When You Reach the Stars...

...You Made It.

In the past handful of months I've been up and down. I've been put into collections. I lost the one person who gave a damn about me. And my personal demons have surfaced leaving nothing for me to hide behind. I'm looking forward to a fresher outlook on life. In the tumultuous days behind I have learned some things. I have mage new "friends" that both facilitate my human contact and my creative outlet. The only bad thing is I'm sure in a few months I'll be right back where I started. I've had some issues with worrying about the end before it begins. Although I'm taking control of my life and hope to enjoy the ride while I'm here.

You have to be down to look up.

Current Music - yellowcard

The Dream...

...So Long My Friend.

I've taken some time away from the blog in order both to focus on my script and to soul search my way to an idea for the future. Have I learned much? Not really. I did put together a script that has garnered favorable acclaim from my very small circle of friends. Id it going to be the next Sundance award winning film? Probably not, but dammit completing the script was my own Everest. Maybe it can materialize one day, but for down I'll set it off to sail in the sky. One day, I'll find the strength to chase it down. It the endless nights I've had in the last few weeks, I've had my ups and downs. But now, I've put my foot down and taking control of my mind. I've spent many nights wallowing in self pity and borderline depression, but it's a demon I've created that I can easily tame. With time I'll control my thoughts better, but I'm happy to be writing again.

If anyone is reading this and is having issues with cynicism and/or self loathing, consider yourself lucky that you can see something like that in yourself. Sometimes people will go their entire lives without looking into themselves, often after it's too late and there's nothing to do about it. It's getting easier to smile.

"It's only after you've lost everything, that you have everything to gain" - a quote from yours truly.

Current Music - cartel

I am...

...Whatever You Say I am.

On the way to work today, I was listening to one of my favorite cd's. I have always taken the words spoken from the singers for more than just the words. I've taken them to heart. The ideas and allusions in the songs I have seen in my own life. Never before has the words of the song hit home more than today.
Have you ever identified with a character? Sure you have. That's what makes the story good or bad. If you can't see yourself saying the words of an actor as your own, you're not going to like it.
The new script is complete and being reviewed by some peers at this time. More to follow.

I'm feeling more like Mark Cohen everyday.
Current Music - hit the lights

Stoked!

Putting the finishing touches on my script.

Yeppers.
Current Music - coheed & cambria

Diligently at work...

...on a New Screenplay.

I'm working on a new romantic comedy this morning. I'll update all you feverishly waiting readers a little later today.














I know that no one even reads this stupid thing.
Current Music - mineral

Oh Well...

...It Was a Nice Idea While it Lasted.

I scored some awesome tickets to Cirque Du Soliel this Friday in Charleston, but unfortunately I have no one to go with. It probably doesn't help that the Athens Twilight race is this weekend. Oh well. I was really looking forward to seeing the crazy show in person. Luckily I'll have someone who can use the tickets. Also, I ordered some RENT tickets from someone back home and haven't received them yet. I feel that if they haven't come yet they won't show up at all. At this point in my life, can I afford to lose that kind of money? Absolutely not. But I'm swallowing it. Hopefully those tickets show up in the mail, but I won't hold my breath on it. It's sad that a couple weeks ago I was all lined to see two awesome shows, and now it's a matter of personnel and the postal service. Win some, lose some. At least I won't have a Seth Rogen moment from Knocked Up...














"Life is not about winning or losing, it's about passion" - bernard focker
Current Music - new found glory