Will I...

...There in lies the question.

Oh sweet ambiguity. How you serve me well.

This morning I was shown a video with a motivational speaker who has no arms or legs. Although he does have a "chicken drumstick" as he calls it. It got me thinking. I know there is always someone who has it worse than I do, but when someone has it worse than I do but has an attitude and outlook on life better than me, what does that say about me. I try to stay positive most of the time, but life throws you curveballs and pulls you in different directions. The crux of the speakers message was are you going to finish strong? It doesn't matter if you fail, you can fail one hundred times, but did you finish strong. I know that my life has had some twists and turns that have landed me here. It took Edison 2,000 tries to complete the filament of the incandescent light bulb. When asked about it, Edison replies that he didn't fail, he merely found 2,000 ways to not make a light bulb. He only needed one way to make it work. I may have done a thousand things wrong in my life, and people around have received the backlash of my actions, but I only need one thing to make it worth while. When I find it, look out world. It's what has been gestating slowly below the surface and will bring something to leave behind.

Delusions of grandeur, I know.

I have finished my second theatrical work. I enjoy reading it. I have my next work in the planning stages. Need to pick the music and find a story to tell. I hope this isn't for not.

"Are you going to finish strong?" - Nick Vujicic

Current Music - cartel

What time is it?

...Summertime.

The new life I've set for myself is starting to see the fruits of my labor. I have a small amount capital, at least it's better than zero; and I haven't felt this accomplished creatively since high school. I got a call today to do a reading at a call back audition for a musical that shall remain nameless for the time being. Those of you that are intuitive can derive some sort of idea from the title. I sent a email just to ask if they needed anyone, didn't hear anything back, until my phone rang today to read for a part. The had "heard about me from before". I had been "heard of " before but this whole acting this is brand new to me and to have someone hear of me is extremely overwhelming and gratifying. Even if I don't get the part, being considered this way is something I never thought would happen. I can't wait for that call. I also have an audition this weekend to see if I can be a part of a broadway flop. I'll keep my fingers crossed and you keep your ear to the grindstone.

"RETAINER" - good will hunting

Current Music - further seems forever

No More Drama?

...I say More!

Please don't think that I advocate making someone close to you crazy with a thousand questions or the run around. But, in the sense of theatrical drama, the more the merrier. For the last six months or so, I have been introduced to a world I never thought I would be a apart of. In high school, my band director instilled (subconsciously) that the drama department was dumb and band was better. I was naive enough to believe him. Anyway, I have finished writing my first work a couple months ago. As I write this I am putting the finishing touches on my first musical. And I already have the ideas turning for my next work, a rock opera. I enjoy this idea of creative expression. There were things in my life I clung too in earnest hoping they would be me lifelong enjoyment or monetary gain. With his, I'm pretty sure not many people would read something like this, but to finish a complete thought from inception to delivery is payment and fulfillment enough. It would be cool to see a handful of actors take the roles I've created and captivate an audience.
Brings chills down my spine.

"the opposite of war isn't peace, it's creation" - jonathan larson
Current Music - jimmy eat world

Every Drop of Sweat that We Dread is Worth it...

... Cause We Earned It.

There have many moons since the last time I wrote here. I have learned much about myself. I have been to the bottom and looked up. I have dealt with everything from love, loss, poverty, malnutrition, alienation and I'm sure there are others I may have moved on from. People have stood by me, people have turned their backs; I've stood my ground and turned my back. Sure a clever choice of words, but speaks true. I doubt anyone even reads this damn thing anymore, but I have spent many pensive nights thinking about how I think too much. I wonder about what my life could have been, or would have been. I think about what I did wrong, what I could have differently. And to be honest, the only thing I learned above all else, is that I am responsible for my own actions, even if it isn't my fault. If someone does a shitty job fixing my car, the outcome is based on my actions. If I bounce a check, it's up to me to deal with it. Complaining that they bug me for the payment only places the guilt off of me, yet it only digs the problem deeper.

Do I like where I am in my life right now? No. But do I have to complain about it all the time? Of course not. I have set myself a plan to attain the life that I want. Is it glitz, glamour or fame? Hardly. Sure it could happen, but sensibility is one of those virtues lost on young twenty something. The world is at your feet. You think everyone owes you something, because you have made it through the education process. The college of life has a very easy application and selection process, yet it's courses can kick your ass. Getting a bad grade doesn't even phase you anymore.

Enough ranting.

I hope by the next time I write in this I'll have some wonderful news that can help me turn around life. Things are looking up, but there is a long time before that happens. Who's in a rush?


"sometimes to do the things you love you leave the ones you love behind " - hit the lights
Current Music - story of the year