I am...

...Whatever You Say I am.

On the way to work today, I was listening to one of my favorite cd's. I have always taken the words spoken from the singers for more than just the words. I've taken them to heart. The ideas and allusions in the songs I have seen in my own life. Never before has the words of the song hit home more than today.
Have you ever identified with a character? Sure you have. That's what makes the story good or bad. If you can't see yourself saying the words of an actor as your own, you're not going to like it.
The new script is complete and being reviewed by some peers at this time. More to follow.

I'm feeling more like Mark Cohen everyday.
Current Music - hit the lights

Stoked!

Putting the finishing touches on my script.

Yeppers.
Current Music - coheed & cambria

Diligently at work...

...on a New Screenplay.

I'm working on a new romantic comedy this morning. I'll update all you feverishly waiting readers a little later today.














I know that no one even reads this stupid thing.
Current Music - mineral

Oh Well...

...It Was a Nice Idea While it Lasted.

I scored some awesome tickets to Cirque Du Soliel this Friday in Charleston, but unfortunately I have no one to go with. It probably doesn't help that the Athens Twilight race is this weekend. Oh well. I was really looking forward to seeing the crazy show in person. Luckily I'll have someone who can use the tickets. Also, I ordered some RENT tickets from someone back home and haven't received them yet. I feel that if they haven't come yet they won't show up at all. At this point in my life, can I afford to lose that kind of money? Absolutely not. But I'm swallowing it. Hopefully those tickets show up in the mail, but I won't hold my breath on it. It's sad that a couple weeks ago I was all lined to see two awesome shows, and now it's a matter of personnel and the postal service. Win some, lose some. At least I won't have a Seth Rogen moment from Knocked Up...














"Life is not about winning or losing, it's about passion" - bernard focker
Current Music - new found glory

I Lost Them...

...As I Lost You.

It amazes me how one single act can snowball into your future. I surely regret some decisions I've made. Some that I wish I could take a mulligan and try again. But life doesn't work that way. I've made my bed and now I'm sleeping in it. Do I wish I hadn't made it? Sometimes, but that's life. Who knows what the future will bring. Wikipedia "loosely" defines the chaos theory as "future dynamics fully defined by their initial conditions, with no random elements involved". Meaning that things happen to you now, and the future will manifest itself from these actions. I wish I could take back things I've said, thoughts I had, or any other derivative of the idea. Sometimes a butterfly will flap it's wings off the coast of Hawaii and then the eastern Asian coast gets a tsunami. Would the butterfly regret flapping it's wings? Probably not. How was the butterfly supposed to know? A arrangement of completely unrelated events can and will shape our lives. Will it mean that you should be afraid of every decision you make? No. The future has not been set. You can take control of it and make it your own.

Don't let this happen to you...













"Why can't sometimes and always be friends" - inkwell
Current Music - misery signals

There's Only So Many Hours...

...But A Lot Can Happen in a Day.

Another weekend spent with not much to do. It wasn't all that bad, I made a new friend...

















That's right. My new friend Jack Bauer is cooler than you.

I hope that the next phase of my life will happen quickly and decisively. I am waiting for the sign from above to succinctly decide if it's a good career move. In a way it makes perfect sense. Why wouldn't I follow the passion of my youth as a career for the next four or five years. If I hate it, I'll be 28 or so and can completely change careers. Time is on my side. I can't waste another fall here in the gates of hell. I am in a perfect position to make something like this happen. I'll definitely get out and see new things. We'll see.

Everything you see happens in real time.
Current Music - hawthorne heights

For Real?

...Maybe, I have to think about it.

I've never been in a place in life where everyone around me is supportive and behind whatever decision I may make. Times in my life, people have always been supportive. But the voice of reason has always poked it's head in. There was always one or two people who would tell me I was crazy. Tell me that I was completely out of my mind. Keep me in check. I can see why celebrities and professional athletes are crazy. Their entire lives are full of people putting them on pedestals, telling them they can do no wrong and patting them on the ass. I'm weary of future decisions due to my lack of reason in my life.

My life now...

"I'm thinking about doing xyz..."

"That would be great, you should totally due that."

My life one year ago...

"I'm thinking about doing xyz..."

"Are you crazy? You're going to hate that shit."

Call me crazy, call me what you will. A romantic. Someone lost in thought. But I wonder if I'm crazy. People have always felt they had to put their two cents into my life. Maybe it's a good thing I am where I am today. I can make a move for myself. Only be patted on the ass for once. Told I can do no wrong. It might be cool. Or I might turn out like...

"Would I rather be feared or loved? Both, I want people to be afraid of how much they love me." - michael scott

Current Music - blink 182

Waking Up From This Nightmare...

...I Made for Myself.

I'm pretty sure that many people of the people that read my blog and think "what is this guy thinking, all he does is complain and spark conversations with himself to no avail." Ok, I know that people don't say that, because nobody even reads this damn thing. Anyway, I've arrived at another crossroad. I hope that this one may only take a couple days to figure out. I'm thinking of making a huge change in my life. This time though, I have no one to answer to. I've brought myself to a place where I can go back and forth, and think for myself. If I move to California, who will I have to worry about. If New York City is my calling, at least I've only have one mouth to feed. The last few months have been tough but I am happy of the person I am becoming for the next months and years. I'm on my way.

Nice.

Current Music - yellowcard

I Keep Making the Same Mistakes...

...Really, I do.

We have days in our lives that can stretch our patience. We can't avoid it, like Taxes. Oh, both a Jonathan Larson plug and don't forget to get you taxes done. I've received and spent my return months ago. Nice! Too bad it didn't help my situation. Oh well, couldn't avoid the tangent. I've tried very hard to be everything to everyone. and in certain times I've tried to be everything for someone. But, like clockwork, I always end up wanting everything for me. The world is never enough. I always have to have more. I wonder if I was satisfied with one thing in my life, would I spend my time chasing ten other? I've found that stretching yourself very thin like that never allows you to enjoy anything. Even when something starts to happen, all you think about is another facet of your life. How can you enjoy anything with this mentality. This chapter of my life has allowed my focus on one thing at a time. It's kind of nice.















The world is enough, it really is. Just think about it.

Current Music - cobra starship

Conceptual Art and Imagery...

...How good are your metaphoric skills?

In the past few years I've been many things...

Sometimes...
















And other times...
















Although, through it all, I've never been...














There are skeptics out there. Those that have a tough time holding a grip on reality. Some people think some things are the end of the world. Like when a relationship ends. It may be the end of you life for a week, but with time, it subsides. The true believers out there can understand the fact that I've known for a long time, but have only recently been able to truly understand. Like the faces above, remember you will always be up and down, but with understanding you'll never be down and out. Think about it, it'll come to you.

No need for a clever ending tag, pictures says a thousand words.
Current Music - further seems forever

Don't Write Yourself Off Yet...

...Please Don't.

We all make choices. Some good, some bad. And some that can change the outcome of the rest of our lives. I am living with a choice that will test my patience and composure. Sometimes things get better, and then again, they don't. We ask "why does this happen to me?" or "How long do I have to endure?" I am a firm believer that we are not products of what happens to us. It's about how we handle it. What we do after it happens that defines us. Moving to the gates of hell was probably the worst financial move anyone could make, but I wouldn't be who am I today otherwise. I wouldn't care about the arts. I wouldn't be considering the things that now run through my mind. In my personal life, I've had success' and failures. Some on my part, and some out of my control. Yet every time I go from with to without, I learn something more about myself. Is it smart to throw away a perfectly good thing for the unknown? You'll never know until you try. I've tried and regretfully learned that the constant is easier. But who I may become is better than who I thought I might be. I had a lot of time on my hands this weekend. Plenty of time to drum up an idea.

Usually on Friday at my job, a bunch of us buy some candy to celebrate the end of the week. I usually buy a small bag of Kit Kat Bars. They usually are the first things to be gone from the bowl. I wonder if Andy Bernard would like them...



Give me a break.
Current Music - the academy is...

Dude!

...Bro Montana

Saw "I Love You, Man" last night. Very funny. Lots of mantastic allusions. They listen to the band Rush, hang out in the man cave, and pounding beers til you puke. All facets of my life I take pleasure in when the moment arises. I'm could not be happier that I have friends that I can bro out with. I'll be in Florida for a couple days for a wedding and a graduation. Don't forget squeezing in a bachelor party and musical. It'll prove to be a mantastic weekend. That train ride home will give me plenty of time to recover. My eyes are lighting up just thinking about it.

"If I know Darryl, It gonna be zoppity" - Michael Scott

Current Music - anberlin

If I Would Have Chosen...

...I would have been born a Woman.

That's right. No typo there. (Actually it's a song lyric). But it got me thinking. If I had the choice, what would I have done differently in my life. Would I have changed anything. Would I have been a man? Would I have been brought up in Florida? Knowing what I know now, what would have changed. This may sound like an advanced philosophical idea that only Plato or someone of his calibre would consider, but what the hell. I think I would continued to play organized sports growing up. I would stay a male. I definitely would have discovered alcohol and parties much earlier. On this side of brightness though, I am very happy with who I've become. Would I change some decisions I've made in the past? Would I have treated certain situations differently?

OF COURSE!

We are who we are thanks to the good and bad decisions we make in life. If no one made any bad choices, no one would learn anything. I learn something new about myself everyday. Some days more than others. Somethings having more weight than others. I'd apologize to anyone and everyone whom I ever wronged, called a bad name, or broke trust. I may not be getting any smarter as I age, yet I feel I get wiser everyday.

"My mother once told me, she would have named me Laura" - tom gabel

Current Music - against me!

Like a Good Old Fashioned Nightmare...

...You Know!

Where do I go from here? Where will the next phase of life take me. I wonder why it consumes my thoughts so much. New York? Los Angeles? Back to Florida? Any of these places would be awesome. Florida would be the easiest. Back to everything I've ever known. Back to my family, my dog, my wonderful friends. No more "deep south". I won't even capitalize it (Lord knows they won't). Los Angeles would be ideal. The beautiful people, the possibilities and the capital of the west. I would get everything cool like the best movies, the best music, the best of everything. And then there's New York City. Talk about a Mecca of culture. I have more family than I can count in the city. It would be an easy place to start over. Who knows what I could make of myself. A writer? A businessman? A lowly bike shop worker? A barista at Starbucks? All noble trades.

No rush.

I'm going to find my purpose!
Current Music - matt & kim

Where Do We Go From Here?

"It's getting a little dark down here."

"Wait...that street wasn't on"

"I hope the gate is open...Oh well, where to?"

Yes these are all phrases I muttered last night on my drive home. My after work proved to be an exciting one with the new addition of the Matt & Kim cd to my collection. Dancing in my seat, the dreary and dark Bluff Rd. put a damper on a pretty good day. It's all good, I got some head way on my biography of Giacomo Puccini. Almost done with it, just trying to decide what the next book will be. With the slave like dependency on electricity and power, it was a nice feeling to take it in stride and grab a book and wait it out. Be patient my friends. Not everything needs to be spoon fed to you. Bring back the ideal of face to face conversation, a good book or a card game. Don't forget, one day this could all be gone. What would you do if the power went out and never came back on?

Was that a little deep?

That's what she said!

Current Music - The Cavaliers Drum & Bugle Corps

Win Some...

...Lose Some

Oh back to the grind. What a time in Athens, GA. From the onset, it was destined to become a fantastic time. I got to see one of my favorite Florida bands Copeland. I barely made the show thanks to my company taking their time at dinner. Walking into the 40 Watt Club I realized I didn't have a ride home. What to do? Make friends with complete strangers, hope to get invited out for a drink after the show, and with enough charm, get a ride back to the hotel. Done and done. Friday included a long solo bicycle ride around the UGA campus. Gorgeous, the type you would see in movies. The night concluded with Red Bull Vodkas and Dogfish Head IPA; a great way to spend a business trip. The backyard bash was cool. Complete with rock climbing walls, moon bounces and bicycle demos. All in a day's work.

In other news, I was not asked to attend the call back for The Producers. Oh well. But I was cast in Workshop Theatre's production of High School Musical 2. During my audition yesterday, I nailed my cold reading and was cast on the spot. Sweet.

"I only accept "Mr. Fulton", "Sir" or in the seldom occasion, "Your excellency." - Lines from my role.

Current Music - jimmy eat world

I'm Not Crazy...

...Cause I Take the Right Pills.

When words fail, music prevails. There have been many times when I have wanted to just sit and listen to a new record. Or turn my cell phone off and drive into a new one. Last night I was graced with the time of evening that left me nothing but time with my Giacomo Puccini book and hours of Jimmy Eat World. There are times when we forget about the bands or artists that once captivated our minds and hearts. Reconnecting with something like that come at times when you least expect it. Something like this may only come around every now and then. I encourage you took to take this time wholeheartedly. Whatever it may be. A film? A book? A quaint conversation with an old friend, what have you. There are too many things in our lives that keep us from letting our minds roam free. Now, tread carefully. The mind can be a scary place to venture for the weak of heart. There are things in there you may never want to know, but be conscious that you created it. I think this blog went a little too deep today, I apologize. Go listen to a CD you haven't heard in a couple months and remember the times you had when you got the album and listened to it on repeat fro weeks. Find a book you enjoyed reading once and flip to one of your favorite parts. Go watch the scene in The Notebook where Allie and Noah are rowing in the lake with ducks.
Enjoy.


















Will you remember the section studied or the conversation?
Current Music - matt & kim (for realsies)

Just Because it's Funny...

...You Sure Are.

That's Me In the Corner...

...Actually that's me in Athens.

Stoked!

Today I volunteered to be a part of the Storck bicycle demo in Athens, GA this weekend. Home to some great musical acts as R.E.M., Of Montreal and even Bubba Spaxxx. It'll be nice to get out of the city for a couple days. I'm looking forward to seeing the original Jittery Joes coffee shop and 40 Watt Club. I'm told the UGA campus is a phenomenal sight. The South Cakalaka campus is aesthetically pleasing, but I'll reserve my judgment until Sunday. It'll give me some to be alone with my thoughts, try and finish my Puccini book and maybe get started on the new play. I'm still working out some the songs for the new show. I'll make some headway later today to get the list of song finalized. Next phase is getting a story with characters and a title. Thus it begins again.

"I'm not putting a period this, it's an ellipsis..." - garden state

Current Music - from first to last (don't judge me)